Surreal

It's been four days since my father was laid to its final resting place. 

It's been surreal since Day 1. I still feel like floating. Sleepy and tired. Sad and angry. 

I don't understand.

I didn't know how I survived the rest of the days. I kept going and going. Errands after errands. So many things to do. So many tasks to finish. 

My body feels like exploding. I wanted to cry and to shout but I can't. It seems like I'm loaded with anesthesia. Numbness all over me.

Right now,  I am physically exhausted. Emotionally drained.  

All I want is to sleep.

I survived Day 1

Today is November 18, 2012. 

It's 5:39 in the morning. I'm awake. I can't go back to sleep.

My father passed away yesterday. 

I didn't know how I survived last night. Closing my eyes to sleep was the hardest part. I can't stop my eyelids from closing yet my mind won't allow it to shut. I can feel my body shaking every time I'm about to pass out. 

It was difficult.

Crying was never enough. I surpassed the crying part. Now I want to feel some pain. I want to get away from this numbness all over me. 

Today I have a lot of errands to do. Thinking clear and straight is a must. 

Tonight, facing my father's remains will be another battle. Sleeping is again a tough fight.

I survived Day 1....

I can do this.

Color Blindness

Color Blindness is a deficiency that affect mostly the male population. It is the inability to see and differentiate certain colors. According to studies, 8% of the male population are color blind.

Someone in our family was diagnosed with this kind of condition. 

The irony is, a lot of color blind individuals belong in the field of art or artistically inclined. So, I am not surprised anymore when that 'someone' has it. 

The thing is, we don't mind at all because Color Blindness is not a disability.

Have a colorful weekend everyone!!

Lenten Weekend {Hiking, Swimming, Bonding}

Hiked to a private resort owned by a friend to swim...

Then back to our place....swimming again.

Cousins unite. The girls had a great time. This rarely happen nowadays since April is now working in Manila and Frances is in her third year in college already.

 

A wonderful weekend with family. 

our wall

Family photos.

My own photo Calendar.

Candid shots that I love.

Mabe's Origami

Dogs and a Bug origami.

Piano and Chair origami.

Mabe's Lenten Mobile in Religion class.

wonderful weekend

It felt so nice to take time off in the highlands and get away from the scorching heat of the city, spend time with family, savor these mouth watering delights and enjoy the wilderness of this place we called, uma (farm)...

a truly wonderful weekend indeed.

how's yours?

Home in wheels.

No amount of words can express how we felt today. My father is finally home (in wheels). Not totally healed, but well recovered from the extremely dangerous thing that happened last Monday that lead us to the Emergency Room and confinement in the hospital.

Thank you to all our relatives and friends who reached out, expressed heartfelt sympathy and for praying for us. To those who stayed on our side, helped us emotionally and spiritually, I am deeply touched and grateful.

somebody is comfortably seated in lolo's wheels.

Thank you!!

Not Good.

Not good.

My father's back in the hospital.

I want to cry but I can't.

Not good.

It's like I'm being swallowed by the vastness of the sky above.

color coding

despite the colors that i tried to put in, still the whole thing is depressing.

i took charge in organizing the medication pills of my father.

in the next few weeks, my father will go back to his small farm. staying there will keep him comfortable, with the cool weather and lots of greens plus the sight of his fightingcocks will definitely relax him. 

i hope my color coding will give my mother and my brother an easy time in giving him the pills.

Blessed Sunday

We're finally out of the hospital and was greeted by a huge and perfectly arched rainbow, on our way home (a double rainbow actually). 

Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Miraculous Medal.

I felt so blessed. 

Thank you Lord.

Thank you Mama Mary.

Happy and Blessed Sunday everyone!

Life getting better.

These past few days since my father was confined in the ICU, everything hot in my throat comforts me.

hot creamy cabbage soup

hot chocolate

I spent most days alone in the streets of the city. Running errands here and there, but there are a lot of things to be THANKFUL for...

Amazed of the love God has given us, my family, right now...we are in the middle of a trial and yet I was blessed to be given the chance for an interview in a job that I think is made for me.

Right now things are not perfect, not okay, but getting good. I feel like a dying candle but still strong and sturdy. I am just tired, but hopeful.

God is good.

Life is getting better.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

miles away

yesterday morning i got a text message from my aunt about lola conching (my paternal grandmother in baguio city), she's now confined in the ICU of Pines City Doctor's Hospital in Baguio. 

she's 93 years old, eats veggies a lot, hard-working, and a hard-headed market stall owner (she's been told not to tend her market goods anymore but...).

then today i saw my cousin posted some pictures. heart-breaking.

thanks God she's okay now and might check out tomorrow according to my cousin.

it is very hard for families like us to live miles away from each other, i know some of you can relate.

be strong lola, i'll be there this november :)

have a good night everyone!

Teachers

Today is Teacher's Day. 

and i just realized, we have quite a number of teachers in our family:

* my brother is a high school teacher;

* my mama's sister Lucia, a retired high school teacher;

* aunt Monique teaches in Philippine Military Academy;

* aunt Binky teaches in UP-Baguio;

* an uncle who teaches in high school;

* my mother-in-law, a retired elementary teacher.

(*note: relatives, if you read this, please remind me of the others i haven't mentioned.)

and speaking of teachers, my daughter brought little something for her teachers today.

we all have unforgettable, sad, and funny stories of our teachers. oftentimes, the ones we remember are those who touched our lives, those who made a difference and made us who we are today.

for me, there's only one teacher whom i will never ever forget for the rest of my life. the person who guided me, believed in me, and protected me like her own daughter. my college teacher, my schoolpaper adviser, my friend, my mentor: Portia Importante-Viedor.

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

bed weather

with the heavy downpour of rain outside, it's a perfect time to grab that remote, a bag of chips, and of course, a Barbie movie while playing Nintendo DSi.

just makes you wonder, what's for dinner? and this Fiesta Spaghetti Ads of the Aquino kid below my blogpost has been there for a while, makes me want to cook the remaining Fiesta Spaghetti noodles in our fridge.

ahhhh bedweather!

how's your afternoon?

Saint Louis University...and our family.

In celebration of the Centennial Year of Saint Louis University, Baguio City, a coffeetable book  entitled: Light of the North - The Centenary of Saint Louis University 1911-2011 was published.

AND inside the book, i am proud to share to you, my grandfather Espiritu L. Costales was one of the pioneer high school graduates of Saint Louis University in Baguio City.

most of our cousins, aunts and uncles went to SLU as well.

i myself was once a student of Saint Louis University and i regret not finishing my whole course there...but still, i want to have a copy of this book.

below is my grandparents, Espiritu Lagasca Costales and Conchita Madrid Costales:

my grandfather, second from left, during the visit of Former President Ferdinand Marcos (a fellow ilocano) in Negros Occidental.

how i wish i can come up with a brief family history booklet or some sort...i can't promise, but i am planning to visit this year to gather all the facts...we are one family that lives miles apart from each other...and it's not that easy.

good night everyone!